Stalking: Violence to (re)Know by Salvatore Toti Licata

09 Jul, 2014

Stalking is a violence that must be (re)known before it can be highly detrimental to the victims.

As a trainer and life coach I happen to come into contact in helping relationships with many people, of varying ages, who rely on me to understand how to deal with the “difficult relationships” that are not aware. Situations devious, deceitful, they can generate destabilization personal putting people at risk, suffering, work, and life itself. Speak and publish information as possible about the various experiences can help you to recognize and reflect but especially to identify the type of relationship that you are experiencing, whose margins are not clouded by words of love and persecutory conduct. That is why it is important to define exactly what it is and who may be stalking the stalker.

The English word “stalking” has no equivalent in the Italian language; etymologically “stalk” can be rendered as “poaching”, “stalking”, “stalking”; the translation of the term does not give an idea of the vast scope of this phenomenon and the word” stalking” is used to define a set of harassing and threatening behavior.

The syndrome of harassment nagging, this maybe the most appropriate definition of the phenomenon of stalking is characterized by a set of repetitive behaviors that are designed to monitor and control, but also to force the search for contact and communication with the victim who is annoyed and alarmed by the excessive and exaggerated attention and behavior.

The most common way is by stalker telephone especially at the primary stage. Follow the shadowing, the meeting “random” in the workplace or in areas frequented regularly by the victim. The more you restrict your living space, the greater the risk of violent behavior by the offender and the violence seems to be an element related to the repeated denials by the victim which may cause the stalker to aggressive manifestations, sexual violence and, in extreme cases murder.

Five types of stalkers: the rejected, the seeker of intimacy, the incompetent suitor, the predator and resentful.

The rejected corresponds to the most common category. And he that following discontinuation of an emotional relationship initiates the persecution. The aims of the stalker can be both reconciliation is revenge for the unilateral termination of the relationship and not shared.

But stalkers can also be subjects of the same genus, mostly women who initially want to build a relationship, not necessarily love, but only of friendship and, gradually, manifested stalking (the seeker of intimacy). The type of victim is usually a stranger and the stalker is a person socially isolated, which has no stable personal relationships and important.

Other times it comes to people with poor relationship skills and courtship, which would then become oppressive, aggressive and pushy, with a distorted view of their abilities (the incompetent suitor).

The most dangerous deviation of this type is that of the predator, that is, those who aspire to have sexual intercourse with the victim and evidence satisfaction and sense of power in observing the sly. The predator does not have the right skills to woo and what drives him is the possession and control over the victim.

A type that I hear more and more often is that of the resentful, an ex-partner driven by resentment revenge for the breakup of a relationship and reduce the anger felt by downloading it through vengeance.

Try to identify and characterize the types of behavior management of interpersonal relationships need to focus more easily if the reports that belong to normal daily living or have to put in alarm.

It’s also true that Stalking is a subject perceived as totally subjective and depends on personal life stories. Summed however, it may be a “window” on an issue very present in the daily life of some readers who can find each other, as in a game of mirrors, situations, places, people. For other readers may be a small “peephole” a reality observed in a distorted way and with the desire to understand it. For both types can be a time of reflection for asking questions about how to place some relationships of our daily lives. Had the slightest alarm bell the advice is to turn to who can help them.

Salvatore Toti Licata
info@totilicata.it
www.totilicata.it